guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
