ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
