So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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