yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize