my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize