I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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