i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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