K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
