if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
