no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
