yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
