I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
