just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize