Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just google imaged poop.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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