If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize