How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
