Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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