that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
