Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
