He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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