Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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