it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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