Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I could make wine with my vomit
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
