Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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