just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
