I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
