who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
