Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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