I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
