P.S. I can't hear my feet
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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