Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
