Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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