i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Shame - the story of my life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
