Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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