Moan for me like Helen Keller
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
