i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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