I smell stomach acid.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
