Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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