we're blogging at a bar
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
