I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
