I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
