We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The beer is more important than you right now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
