im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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