this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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