He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
