At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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