then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
