You smell like stripper and shame
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
