we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
