i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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