I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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