This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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