I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
