At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
