Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
