Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
