I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
