Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Enjoy the penises
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
