this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
