my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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