it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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