Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
