She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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