census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
