They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
