Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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